Sunday, June 5, 2011

Why Has My Life Changed?

Lately, some questions (and concerns) have arose from a few friends and family members on my new life in Christ.  They wonder why I'm getting more involved in church and why I'm so tuned into the Bible and living a godly life.

Well, for all of you who would love to hear an answer, I decided to write a blog specifically to you. 

A couple of years ago, my husband Dave and I believed in God, but never ever prayed.  We were in the driver seat of our own lives and had it handled as far as we knew.  Let me lay out an extremely short timeline for you -- Dave and I met on May 26th, 2009, I'd found out I was pregnant on July 14th, 2009, and we got married on August 29th, 2009.  (Talk about fast, right?)  I worked at an apartment community while Dave (who was friends with my manager at the time) was a paint vendor.

My life at the time was great, as far as I knew.  I had a best friend, Jen, that always left her daughter to go out on the town with me and we obsessed in spending all of our money on the latest Ed Hardy and Christian Audigier trends.  That was our thing.  To add to the "fun" she even hooked me up with a gang member too -- but that's a whole 'nother story. 

Dave had just broken up with his girlfriend and moved into the apartments I worked at.  His now ex-girlfriend was also cousins with my manager.  Small world, I know. 

So here we were... 2 broken lives slowly joining as one.  Here is where everything unravels.  My manager turned on me out of nowhere once I let her know I was pregnant, and took my job right out from underneath me.  To this day, I still don't understand all of the lies she told about me.  Oh, and by this time, I'd just moved on property too -- and paying full rent each month.  So come early August, I'm blessed with a new job with same pay, but no commission since it was an Assistant Manager position and they didn't offer that.  That brought down my monthly pay considerably.  To add to it, Dave gets laid off in October.  Well, what do we do now?  We pay almost $1,000 a month just for rent alone, and no way to pay it. 

My dad fortunately took us into his home and we were (by God's grace) released from our contract -- which is another story in itself.  So we paid for a storage, and took what would fit into one room we would be living in for the next 7 months.  Even though we had a home to live in, I think we can all agree that if it's not our own home, there is nothing we can do to make it an easygoing, no-stress situation.  My pregnancy was heavy on my mind all the time because I was about to be a new mom and I was worried that I was not going to have my own home and my baby was not going to have his own room when he arrives.  That was such a big deal to me.  But I had to put that aside and take care of my dad who was suffering through surgeries, and to take care of my husband. 

So what does this have to do with my topic -- Why has my life changed?  Do you ever feel like when you hit the absolute rock bottom, feeling helpless to no end, your life is a disaster and there is no way you can pick up all the pieces?  Well, that was us.  Dave was laid of for 4 months, and we wanted our own home more than anything, but we couldn't see that happening anytime soon.  During that time he enrolled in the University of Phoenix so he could get an education to get a better job.  One day, we decided to pray together.  Very soon after that, Wells Fargo called Dave in for an interview, and he started shortly after.  On top of that, we had one car and the Wells Fargo he was placed at was about 5 minutes away from my work so we could switch the car every day at lunchtime.  We knew God heard our prayers.  Well, here came Tyler on February 17th, 2010.  3 months later on May 2, 2010, we were blessed to get a nice apartment at such a large discount because I used to work there. 

Then, we said one day "Man, I really miss CBC."  We decided to go back and I can't even put into words how I felt inside.  I felt guilty, I felt a heavy heart, and all of a sudden I was so hungry to know more about God.  I have been going almost every Sunday since then. 

Let me tell you this: To be hungry for more knowledge of the love of Jesus Christ -- it isn't a discipline, it's a desire.  You start to really listen to the words of the songs during church rather than just hear music.  You start to want to join a bible study and meet new friends who are positive and uplifting so you can be positive and uplifting.  The next Sunday always seems a decade away. 

My life changed because God changed my heart.  Nobody on the face of this earth can make you feel the love that God can give you.  Trust me, I thought that sounded a little crazy when I heard other people say it.  But it's true, and I'm living proof of it.  When you see God work in your life, it captures your attention and makes you hungry for more about Him. 

God will always provide.  Recently, I had less than $30 in my bank account, my husband and I eating ramen noodles for lunch and dinner and making sure Tyler had plenty of healthy food.  We were behind on every single bill we had, and I prayed so hard that day because it was a Saturday and our cable and internet was cut off.  I took that as God wanting us to spend more time together as a family without TV, internet, video games, etc.  But, I decided to shred bills that afternoon (which I haven't done in... I don't even knw how many years).  I came across a random check for $181.00.  What are the odds of that happening?  I see that as an answered prayer and more evidence that God will always take care of me, as long as I give everything to Him.  After all, everything I have isn't mine to claim anyway!

Living life with the Holy Spirit in my heart is the most amazing feeling I ever thought possible.  I wish I could show any skeptic a glimpse of what God can do.